I was 9 years old (almost 10) when Steven King’s “It” came out on VHS.
My uncle, the baby sitting extraordinaire, was a little upset that his mouthy niece kept bugging him while he was trying to watch a movie. So instead of standing a firm ground and making me go to bed, he sat me on the couch and let me watch it with him.
Oh………my…….god……..
When you’re a guy in his late twenties “It” is the perfect movie to sit around and watch, but when you’re his 9 year old niece…it might be a little much.
(In case you don’t know, “It” is a movie about an evil clown that kills children. Thanks for haunting my dreams and freaking me out Tim Curry!!!)
So starts my horrible fear of clowns, and of course since I was terrified of them…..they were everywhere.
Every summer we went to the Berrien County Youth Fair in Michigan, and every year there were those damn clowns.
There were clowns at birthday parties, festivals and, of course, circuses.
Ok so I am older now, and it’s not as bad b/c my friends don’t have clowns at their parties anymore. (Stripping midgets, yes! Clowns, not so much.) Plus I have been going a very long time without having to see a clown in real life or pictures.
However, Monday night started about three days of hell in regards to my fear of clowns.
Let’s review:
Monday night the team went to Sluggers for batting practice. After words Pauly, Kate Dale and I went to Goose Island for a couple drinks.
Apparently Dale was in the circus for three years in college and has a clown suit. A CLOWN SUIT!
Well then it came out I was terrified of clowns and it became pick on Joanie night. By the end of the night not only had the creepy clown talk given me the freakies, but I am not convinced that Dale is planning a clown scare.
Moving on to Tuesday, and the day where not only did I receive emails with clown related material from Dale and Paul……but I saw one.
AAHHHHH!! Just thinking about it is making me feel all uneasy.
So I had to run next door to the Irish Restaurant / Pub to get my boss (he was having drinks with clients). I was in a hurry as he needed to get back to take a very important call.
I will admit, I probably shouldn’t have come through the door in the rush that I did…but none the less I did. As I rushed through (not looking) I bumped into someone. When I looked up to apologize I screamed b/c I had run into a CLOWN!!
Me: “AAAHHH”
Evil Clown from Hell: “Are you ok.”
Me: “Please don’t touch me.” (I look down to avoid having to stare at its freaky face.)
Clown Satan: “I’m sorry.”
Me: “nothing personal. I’m terrified of clowns and you’re kind of freaking me out.”
Clown laughing its creepy children killing clown laugh. “Yeah I get that, but clowns are SUPER FUN.”
Me: “I’m leaving now.”
Ok two things: 1) WHO has their child’s birthday party at an IRISH PUB! (ok…maaaaaaaaaaybeI will when I have kids.); and 2) WHY do parents think clowns are a good idea.
Oh yeah, clowns are super fun. You know who else thought clowns were great. JOHN WAYNE GACY!!! Yeah, the Guy who dressed up as a clown, kidnapped, raped and killed little boys! Yeah, that’s super fun.
When you Google John Wayne Gacy, you get an article called “John Wayne Gacy: The Clown that Killed.” When you GIS Gacy, you get pictures of him dressed up like a clown. I am currently using my diet crack as a chaser for the zanex.
All this clown fun was added to when I was checking me email today. See if you have gmail, you can add a picture to your profile that will pop up when you put your cursor over a name.
Apparently, Pauly thought it would be fun to add one of the SCARIEST CLOWN PICTURES EVER to his profile.
It scared the living hell out of me today. Thanks Pauly, please go back to the damn cat pictures.
I am now beyond freaked out and am currently fighting the urge to go sit in a corner, rock back and forth mumbling “Jesus Save.”
Yeah, they freak me out that much.
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