I used to wonder what my toys would be like if they were alive. (Hey, I was 5!)
Anyway, the other day on the train I got a glimpse into what Skipper (Barbie’s “sister”) would be like if she were real.
So I am on the train and it’s about to leave for suburbia hell when Skipper and her greasy looking boyfriend walk into the rear facing double seat 5 rows in front of where I was. I wish I could have taken a picture without her knowing, but alas you will have to make do with my description.
She was about 5’5 and thin with stringy bleach blond hair. I mean, we who die our hair know it can get a little dried out, but come on, that’s why god invented conditioner.
On to her clothes. She had on one of those flowery peasant tops that hung on her body funny and a bright green tank top underneath. As great as the rainbow visor she was wearing was, it could not compare to the rainbow knee socks and pink shoes with purple laces. This was all held together by the acid washed skirt she had on that would be indecent for my 5 year old cousin. I almost forgot, she had a Rainbow Bright purse and was sucking on a lollypop.
Honestly, at first I thought I had brushed my teeth with cocaine that morning and this was all a horrible hallucination.
So of course, knowing me, I could not stop staring.
Her boyfriend on the other is the type of guy who makes K-Fed look like George Clooney.
If Skipper were to have an E! True Hollywood Story, I imagine the narration would go something like this:
Skipper’s life was going very swimmingly until the day her sister, Barbie, told her something that would shatter her life as she knew it. Yes, Barbie told Skipper that she was not her sister. No, Skipper was the love child of a wild night at the Malibu Beach House with Ken.
Skipper left the world she knew and entered into a world of drugs, booze, men and really bad clothes. She questioned her existence, and was sickened by her memories of her childhood crushes on Ken.
She sold her body for money and hitch hiked her way from Malibu to Chicago. Once there she moved in with her dealer Snakebite. Upon his insistence she got a snake bite tattoo on her neck.
Skipper and Snakebite would ride the Metra Train from the city to the suburbs in order to cool down in the summer and warm up in the winter as their crack house didn’t have central heat or air.
It was one of these times when Snakebite was sleeping on her shoulder that Skipper stared out the window and remembered her life when she was truly happy and clean.
Maaaaaaaaaybe I got a little carried away there, but that was what stuck in my head when I saw this train wreck.
Although I shouldn’t be too surprised, I mean you see real life He-Mans and She-Ras every Friday and Saturday night in Boystown.
Anyway, the other day on the train I got a glimpse into what Skipper (Barbie’s “sister”) would be like if she were real.
So I am on the train and it’s about to leave for suburbia hell when Skipper and her greasy looking boyfriend walk into the rear facing double seat 5 rows in front of where I was. I wish I could have taken a picture without her knowing, but alas you will have to make do with my description.
She was about 5’5 and thin with stringy bleach blond hair. I mean, we who die our hair know it can get a little dried out, but come on, that’s why god invented conditioner.
On to her clothes. She had on one of those flowery peasant tops that hung on her body funny and a bright green tank top underneath. As great as the rainbow visor she was wearing was, it could not compare to the rainbow knee socks and pink shoes with purple laces. This was all held together by the acid washed skirt she had on that would be indecent for my 5 year old cousin. I almost forgot, she had a Rainbow Bright purse and was sucking on a lollypop.
Honestly, at first I thought I had brushed my teeth with cocaine that morning and this was all a horrible hallucination.
So of course, knowing me, I could not stop staring.
Her boyfriend on the other is the type of guy who makes K-Fed look like George Clooney.
If Skipper were to have an E! True Hollywood Story, I imagine the narration would go something like this:
Skipper’s life was going very swimmingly until the day her sister, Barbie, told her something that would shatter her life as she knew it. Yes, Barbie told Skipper that she was not her sister. No, Skipper was the love child of a wild night at the Malibu Beach House with Ken.
Skipper left the world she knew and entered into a world of drugs, booze, men and really bad clothes. She questioned her existence, and was sickened by her memories of her childhood crushes on Ken.
She sold her body for money and hitch hiked her way from Malibu to Chicago. Once there she moved in with her dealer Snakebite. Upon his insistence she got a snake bite tattoo on her neck.
Skipper and Snakebite would ride the Metra Train from the city to the suburbs in order to cool down in the summer and warm up in the winter as their crack house didn’t have central heat or air.
It was one of these times when Snakebite was sleeping on her shoulder that Skipper stared out the window and remembered her life when she was truly happy and clean.
Maaaaaaaaaybe I got a little carried away there, but that was what stuck in my head when I saw this train wreck.
Although I shouldn’t be too surprised, I mean you see real life He-Mans and She-Ras every Friday and Saturday night in Boystown.
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