no i'm not dead

So I haven’t written in a bit, and that’s probably b/c nothing has been very interesting or funny….and I’ve been in a “mood.” So why bore you with boring and crabby stuff. I mean really, you should thank me.

I accept cash and Tiffany’s!

Anyway, I’ve been working out in the mornings for the past two weeks. Yes, the mornings. As in 5 A.M!!!!!!I am averaging about 4 mornings a week and then later in the day on weekends. Monday’s and I don’t get along very well.

In order to get to the gym around 5ish, I have to set my alarm for 4:15 a.m. This allows me to hit snooze twice and get up at 4:45 and get ready. I also make sure to drink a LARGE class of water and eat a granola bar before I workout, as going without doing this the first time almost had me pashing out on the elliptical.

5 a.m. at the Lincoln Park Athletic Club (LPAC) is a very interesting time. There are about 5 other people there beside myself; however, there is ALWAYS someone on my favorite machine. Anyway, this workout leads to me being perky and full of energy until I get in my car and sit in traffic on the IKE. Once there, I am always 5 seconds from falling asleep while driving and in desperate need of coffee.

Doesn’t that make you feel safer about being on the outbound Eisenhower at 8:00 a.m?
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I hate telemarketers. Honestly. Not only do they bother me when I am trying to work or do more important things (like click around ESPN.com) but they just might be retarded. Oh wait, must be P.C…….fucking retarded. Ok that’s better.

We get a lot of these calls at my office.

Me: “good afternoon, Smith’s.”
Telemarketer: “yes, is Robert in?”
M: “Junior, Senior. or the third?”
T: “Robert Smith.”
M: “Robert Smith, Jr, Sr, or the third?”
T: “ROBERT SMITH please.” (because saying it louder answers my question.)
M: rolling eyes. “YES, I un-der-stand. I am ASKING you if you need Robert Smith JUNIOR, Robert Smith SENIOR or Robert Smith the THIRD! See there are three of them.”
T: “I am just looking for Robert Smith.”
M: “Um, we have no one in this office by that name.”

Click.

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The following is an example of why I love my friends and why my ass might end up in AA in the future.

A friend of mine has a neighbor who is a wine broker. So said friend will get daily drop offs of open bottles of wine from his neighbor.

This friend, whom I now love, has given me all five of the white wine bottles he had and said in the future the white wine is mine.

I pray to god no one comes over and opens the fridge anytime soon because they will see about 30 cans of beer, 10 bottles of beer, 5 OPEN bottles of wine, 2 closed bottles of wine and some liqueur stashed in the freezer.
Hi my name is Joanie…………………..
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