Since lack of sleep and recent events have left me lacking the ability to be funny on my own, I will now grace you with some more Craig’s List personal adds…..

One Last Kiss~27
I'm marrying my high school sweetheart in October, and consider myself extremely fortunate to be doing so. But we've never been with anyone else at all, romantically speaking, which makes us both feel like losers. So we've given each other permission to kiss one person, one time, before the blessed day, so we can at least say we ventured outside the fold briefly. We're just not telling each other the details, although i'm sure it will come out one day. The only rule is that it's just a kiss, nothing further, and a sweet one at that. So if you'd consider being the last kiss for a cute, soon-to-be happily married guy and occupy a special place in his memory, please send me a note about yourself and photo and I hope to hear from you soon.

This add should really be called: Will be Getting Divorced in 6 Months When I Find Her in Bed With Another Woman.


Your Household Chores Done *Free!* (ok, small catch) - 28
Cute, fit, funny and handy guy will do any household chore in exchange for a good handjob. That's it, nothing further asked. I'm always a gentleman, your discretion is assured. Need that track lighting installed? Oven cleaned? Tile replaced? Cabinet mounted? Hard drive backed up? Driveway paved? All done until completion, and with a smile, as long as you do the same. Serious inquiries only and thanks!

Is this like prostitution??? Or is this what the people in government had in mind when they drafted all that Free Trade stuff??

However, I wonder if he is related to this guy…………..


I'll Fix Your Computer if You Let Me Feel Your Boobs – 27
Cute IT guy/PC specialist will fix your computer in exchange for a quick feel of your boobs. I'm a totally non-creepy professional who will repair your hard drive, back up files, install software and peripherals, whatever, for an innocent grope. I have a lot of tech knowledge in my life and regrettably no boobs. Serious inquiries only and thanks.

“I’m totally non-creepy…” WHAT?? You are posting an add on Craig’s List seeing if anyone out there will let you feel their boobs!

Imagine that. I can’t imagine letting the IT guy in my office feel me up when he was done fixing the hard drive on the computer. By the end of it both hard drives would be up and working. Oh Jesus, I just made myself sick………



Free Victoria's Secret Shopping Spree with Cute Guy! - 27
hi -- i'm a cute, funny, shockingly normal guy who has always had a fantasy about spontaneously taking a fun, easygoing girl to victoria's secret to buy her cool underwear, no strings attached. so for one time only i'm looking for someone who fits the bill, who'd like to go shopping for some cute new stuff, i'd say the budget is around $300 for the right person. nothing creepy, nothing else suggested. if we agree to go for it we meet someplace in public (mostly so you can make sure i'm not a total weirdo), then go to VS for a day of shopping, then we go our separate ways. you get a bag full of cute new undies and i get a big smile on my face. the proverbial win-win situation. drop me a line if you'd like to be the one and thanks.

Is 27-ish the new age for turning into a creepy pervert? Because so far it appears that way. So basically, this guy will take you shopping at VS as long as he can sit in the dressing room with you with his hands down his pants?? How isn’t this creepy?? This add makes me feel dirty….i need to go home and shower now. Ick. Ick. Ick.


Here Kitty Kitty Kitty :) - 33
Hello there ladies. I am 33 year old white professional male who is discreet, courteous and respectful. I live on the North Side of Chicago. I have to admit that I just LOVE to lick the kitty and make a woman feel fantastic. If you are sexy, and need your tasty p***y licked and s****d, email me back or fine me on Yahoo IM (screen name mstr_hoo). Talk to you soon.

Maybe I should have taken his screen name off, but he posted it on GRAIG’S LIST!!!!!!!!! Wow. I wonder if he’s like the other “kitty” guy. Where do these people come from? I guess this is better then the guy who wants to watch you try on panites or Mr. IT feel you up! This is kind of like Mr. Hand Job, but us ladies get all the sexual healing. He’s very blunt, and honestly kind of scary.

massage and stroke – 36
looking for find a fun and sexy female that justs wants to chill, smoke a little weed and than get a killer massage. i'm v cute, fit, athletic build, tall and fun.


Is it after all the weed that we’re going to have the stroke or during??? Ok, I know I am not one to point fun at spelling errors or hitting the wrong key, but the “R” is nowhere near the “M.” What am I saying, this guy was probably high when he typed this, we’re lucky he didn’t go off on a tangent about the memorable 3 a.m. Taco Bell date he’d take the lucky lady on.

By the way, you’re on Craig’s List trying to get a date b/c you’re almost 40 and still smoking weed like a 21 year old frat boy.


Office Job-- temporary - $$$ - 39
Temp office position open, about 2-3 days work, great to earn some extra spending $$$. You should be available to work right away. Standard office attire is tank top (no bra) and shorts or mini, sandals. Would help if you're cute, fun, flirty.

Would also help if you don’t pay any attention to those pesky sexual harassment laws or have any self respect.


~~~aaahhhh…..more to come…….

I’m honestly considering writing one up (FAKE) and seeing if I get any responses!!

Brian Griese and the Beast Master......

There are two things that I know I should be ashamed to admit………….

First: My transition from pretty boys (Jonathan Brandis, NKOTB, etc.) was the 1997/1998 U of M football season. That’s the year I fell in love with Brian Griese, and I was 15 years old.

I know what you’re thinking, “but Joanie….you HATE u of m.”

I hate them now, back then I was an impressionable teenager. My aunt (who was more like my sister) went to U of M at the time and I wanted to be just like her.

I grew out of that, went to the better school (SPARTY ON!!!) and I love my Spartans, but I still think Brian Griese is a hottie.



Not gonna lie, he got me out of the pretty boy stage and into the BIG mudgy real guy stage. Thank you Brian Griese, thank you.

If it wasn’t for you and your mudgyness (which is more muscle then pudge) I might still be into guys that would borrow my jeans and spent more time getting ready then I did.

However, it is also your fault that I fell for and dated the hockey stud in college and made out with the freakishly tall and mudgy (more pudge then mudge) rugby guy in Ireland. (and by made out I mean I do it every time I go to Ireland.)

Second, when we were in high school I used to watch the Beast Master on UPN.

Yep, I know I should be ashamed of that fact, but I am not.

First off, I am not talking about the 1988 movie with Gov. Arnie, no….I’m talking the T.V. show with Daniel Goddard.

This is the Beast Master (hey he could master my beast any day!! what?? was that wrong??):



He was like a bigger and less stoned Gavin Rossdale. Who had tiger instead of a guitar.

For the life of me I can not tell you what that show was supposed to be about or who the other characters were. I can just tell you that I spent one hour each Saturday have very dirty and un-catholic like thoughts about this man.

Friday's Random Thoughts

Last night we watched DA BEARS game at BDubs. At one point and time Kate and I were coming back from the bathroom and we had to walk through this see of guys. They were all tall, pretty, dressed sharply and smelled expensive. They screamed Frat boy…..they were probably BETAs. (Having dated one on and off for 2 yrs and one of my really good friends being one…I can sniff them out.)

The second time I went to the washroom one of them stopped me and said. “You look like a fun lady. My buddy here, do you like his shirt like it is……or with his collar popped?”

Me: “Are you serious?”
BETA: “yeah. What do you think?”
Me: “Well that depends, which one of you guys is his boyfriend?”

The rest of them laughed, but I don’t think Einstein who was asking the questions got it. I love BDubs, it reminds me of college!!!

DA BEARS won!!!!!!!!!
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Later that night while checking in on Nicole’s kitties I fell asleep on the couch. I fell asleep watching the lame MTV VMAs, and as a result I had the weirdest dream.

I was on a sail boat with Justin Timberlake. He was in his typical Frat boy type outfit and I was wearing my long black formal dress. (Please don’t ask)

We were standing there drinking wine when I suddenly said: “No Justin, I’M brining sexy back…..”

Apparently I am a tool in my dreams.

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A couple of weeks ago I received a very interesting phone call from my mom:

“JOANIE!!! I just read in a magazine that the number one survey for men…..and this was from real men surveyed……was when a girl is a 1st grade teacher. Good thing you started graduate school!”

Thanks mom. I’m so glad we have our priorities straight.
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Kayla thinks I should respond to some of the personal ads. Go on dates with the weirdoes and write about it

Sure I should risk being kidnapped and kept in a closet by some lonely desperate psycho so when I am finally found alive I can use it to entertain you assholes.

NO thank you!