Since I was on hold with Cook County (aka…sitting on hold for 30 min) I decided to check out those personals.
The following are some of the funniest and oddest things I have ever read. They have also reminded me that as far as dating goes, it could be A LOT worse. So sit back and enjoy!
YES, I Spank! ~32
I think it's imperative for a happy, loving marriage. Though I know that limits my dating options, I won't see a woman unless she understands the importance of discipline within the confines of a healthy relationship.
…………..Ok, first off let me say that I applaud his sense of kinkiness. However, as I am all for a little spanking or a little handcuff action, (what?? Was that to much info???) the part that scares me is the “importance of discipline.”
Honestly, I have a really strong feeling that this guy has a dungeon in his house. Filled with whips, paddles with spikes, gags, and all that scary leather stuff you can find in S&M shops. At the very least he has a giant wooden box under his bed where he is going to keep whomever answers this add.
One Time Offer!!! ~46
Another year, another try. Me - Professional, 5'10" athletic, blue eyes, brown hair. Good looking. Divorced, daughter in college. Looking for a fun, outgoing lady. If this is you send a picture.
Um, if this is “another try” something tells me that it’s not a one time offer. Don’t try to make it sound like Brad Pitt is posting on Craig’s list to find someone to go see a ball game with, and this is our only shot at going with him. Morons.
Take Away My Loneliness. ~25
I never thought 25 would be the loneliest time of my life! Everyone is after something that I am not. I know I'm not the most handsome guy, but I still have a heart and it's like even when I respond to ads I can never even get a kind response back. But I'll keep trying.
This is NOT the way to pick up women. We don’t like whiney men who are ONLINE saying how sad they are to be alone. The only person you MIGHT pick up with this is a 45 year old divorced librarian who has 20 cats and rents out her basement to that weird guy who smells like cheese. However, chances are even she would rather date cheese man then respond to you.
chat or phone NOW? - 31
Tall attractive and impatient. Send me an email and lets get started.
$10.00 says he’s a two pump chump and was on Ritalin when he was a kid.
Seeking women with herpes – 21
Seeking a women with herpes. Fun, attractive guy here. Pic for pic, no pic no reply
At least he’s honest.
Ugly Guys Need Love Too!! – 37
If you're into intelligence, sense of humor, character and personality more than you are into looks we could be a good match because when it comes to looks, I don't have any. If you're blind and reading this, we could be a match as well. All I'm asking is you are female but I have no laundry list and would love to hear from and meet just about anyone who isn't cruel and who doesn't mind I'm not a "hot guy".
Ok, again honesty is good but sometime one shouldn’t go to far with it at first. If this guy wanted to let us now he was no Gavin Rossdale, then he could have just said so. By writing what he did I am now imagining this guy looks like Sloth from the Goonies. Also, if the girl is blind……she’s not reading this.
Cat Daddy~41
48 years old blue collar job house car all my teeth all my hair never in jail seeking kitty to meow with tell me if you have been declawed
Ummmmm…..ooookkkkk.
Labor Day BBQ’s and Fun
i'm invited to a few barbecues this weekend and hoping to bring a lovely young woman to hang out with me and my wonderful friends. you are guaranteed a good time! drop me a line and tell me more about you ...
a/k/a: I have lied to all my friends and family about finally having a girlfriend. I’m going beg you to go along with the lie and asking you to pretend to be “Susie”. I will give you the back story.
Chances are I am going to show up in a X-Files: Trust No One shirt and am the cheese guy who lives with the cat woman.
I'd like to understand you – 22
Ok buddy, let me tell you right now…..you will NEVER understand us. I have been a female for my whole life and I don’t always understand. Get off the computer, go outside, meet a nice girl and do what every other man does…..listen, lie about us not looking fat, and complain about not understanding us to your friends.
(I only posted the title b/c he goes on for 5 paragraphs about being alone and wanting to be with someone. Blah, blah, blah.)
~~Ok I am stopping this for now. I actually have to get some work done……plus I am laughing so hard at some of these that people are starting to stare.
Oh and there were some great pictures, but I didn’t want to post them. Mostly b/c as funny as they were….they left me with a creepy feeling that I would be reposting pics of someone who should be registered on a sex offender list somewhere.
No comments:
Post a Comment