So work is always interesting when I am let out of my cage to go and run errands. Yesterday boss man had me going to the Cook County Courthouse in Maywood. Now I have gone to Maywood on two other occasions to file court documents, and every time I go I get asked out.
I know what your thinking, “Rock on J! Picking up some lawyers during working hour!”
No, no, no, no. Even better. I am picking up guys in court for parole violations and other interesting criminal and domestic matters.
Lets review:
1st trip to Maywood: I am standing in line for the metal detector when there is a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and there is this 5’8’’ish guy behind me. He must weight about 140lbs at the MOST but his pants look like they should be on a guy who is 7’0’’ and 300 lbs. I mean I get the low ride rapper look….but COME ON! You could fit an army of midgets in there.
The conversation flows like this: “hey mama, you lookin good.”
Me: “Um..thanks.”
G: “How bout after I’s done with this lil matter we go chill.”
Me: “Sorry, I’m working.”
G: “What? Is it b/c I’m a Mexican. You a racist or something.”
Me: I wanted to say no…its b/c I don’t pick up guys who’s pesky court matters are Domestic Violence charges (stupid had his subpoena in plain view) Instead I went with “No, its because I am a lesbian, and before you say anything no you can not join.”
Thank god the officer then rushed me through the check point and I was on my way to the files room.
2nd trip to Maywood:
I am standing by the Sheriff’s desk waiting to give them the papers to have some people served. Since they are working at the speed of a drag racing snail, its taking a loooong time. So I am leaning up against a wall when I am approached by a VERY VERY large black man with a tattoo on his neck and more jail tats on his arms.
JT: “Yo.”
Me: looks around, realizes that's my “Yo”. “hi”
JT: “So whatcha in for?”
Me: “Um..nothing. I’m waiting for the Sheriff. I need to get some people served.”
JT: “Coo Coo. I’m just waiting for my hearing. Minor drug and weapons charge. So can I call on you sometime?”
~~ok was the MINOR drug and weapons charge supposed to impress me? B/c IT DIDN’T!!!
Me: slightly nervous. “Oh, well that’s interesting. Um, call on me? Sorry. I, have this boyfriend. BIG. Really jealous. I can barely talk to other guys. So that wouldn’t be a good idea.”
He gives me this “your loss” look and walks away.
3rd trip to Maywood:
I don’t even get near the court house. I am walking from the car when these two guys walk toward me and stop. I get the once over and then this:
RG: incoherent mumbling “damn girl. You wanna be my baby mama? We’d make some beautiful mixed babies.”
Me: :Um……no thanks. I’m not really the baby mama type. Thanks for the complement though.”
RG: laughs with buddy. Mumbles again. “What if we just practice?”
Me: walking away. “Sorry, maybe next time.”
Yeah, so apparently if I am EVER in need of a date all I need to do is go to the court house in Maywood and pick up someone fresh off parole!!!
Hey! Now Kate and I can bring dates to Nicole’s wedding. I’ll just go to the court house and look around for two attractive large men with jail tats. Talk about interesting dates. Not only would they allow us to not go to the wedding alone…BUT…they would give Nicole’s grandparents something to talk about.
And my grandpa wanted to write me out of the will before…..he would DIE if he heard this one!!!
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