I just learned that yet ANOTHER one of my friends is engaged. Apparently this marriage thing is catching on faster then Herpes in a frat house.
So it’s looking like the six weddings I went to this year will be top by the eight I will have next year. Yes, I said eight.
Over the weekend a friend and I were talking about this trend. I mentioned that I’m going to have to take a loan out just to pay for wedding gifts.
You know how we all have that one friend that you love to death, but sometimes you want to hold a pillow over her head until she stops breathing??? Well that’s Kayla’s and mine friend Jamie…and now she’s apparently getting married.
Jamie called me last night to inform me of the good news. Jamie is marrying a boy from Napa Valley, so the wedding is going to be on a vineyard in California. Nice!!!
The fun part of this phone call was that Jamie called everyone in her phone book at 11:00 p.m., you know…1:00 a.m. my time. Thanks JAMS!!
To know Jamie is to love her, and I say this b/c I am about to really make fun of her perky and positiveness. So I have to be nice before I completely rip her a new one. (kinda kidding??) Read Jamie’s parts like you’re coked up on speed and happy pills, b/c that’s how she sounds.
Jamie: “So, I was thinking about guest lists and stuff and you are totally invited!”
Me: “Well, I would hope so! You’re calling me at 1:00 to tell me, to not invite me would be mean.”
J: “Oh you’ve always been so funny!! Anyway, I was thinking. You should totally not bring a date b/c Peter has like a million single friends and we can play matchmaker. You know me, I don’t know if a lot of the girls will show up, but my plan is to stick you and Kim at a table with all guys. It will be great. I will make sure we prescreen them and you’ll love it. A bunch of football loving mudgy boys. I’ll put as many Irish and Catholic boys in the mix to assure we find a suitable one, b/c you know what my mom says about all of that. It’s just really hard to mix religions and plus you would have such a pretty Catholic wedding. I’ve seen the church you go to remember when my sister lived in Chicago. She went St. Clement and…..”
Me: “JAMIE!!! BREATH!!!!!! Ok, so you have me married now. I mean what if I am dating someone.”
J: laughing. Yes the bitch was laughing. “oh honey, I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that we’re getting married in June. Yeah I know fast wedding, but I highly doubt you’ll find someone serious by then. Anyway, so I can’t make you a bridesmaid b/c I have to many sisters and friends and such, but I want you to do a reading and I was thinking about the love is patient one. Now as far as colors go I was thinking that all the readers could wear matching……..”
I might have fallen asleep on the phone. I love her, but she’s a little out of it. She might have been high. No, that’s just Jamie.
It’s funny b/c I don’t think I’ve talked to Jamie in over a year. I love her, but the call and the rambling was a little crazy.
In deep contract was the call from Kayla this morning.
“Did you talk to Jamie??? Has she finally lost it.”
M: “Did she tell you about her idea and my boy table.”
K: “Yeah………um. I MIGHT have had something to do with that. I jokingly told her that with all these weddings and all your friends being in relationships…..well, that you sit at home with your cat watching beaches and crying most nights.”
M: “Why would you do that?”
K: “B/c she was annoying me and kept talking. SO I figured if she called you I would be left alone.”
M: “I hate you.”
K: “Awww…poor baby.”
~~Yeah, K is a bitch. But joke is on her. I called Jamie this afternoon to tell her that Kayla was just trying to hide the fact that she was knocked up and would be to preggers to come to the wedding.
As of 2:00 this afternoon, Kayla has had 3 phone calls from Jamie. One call was about reputable adoption agencies in Colorado. Yeah NO ONE thinks Kayla should have kids. .
Ahh friendship, when torturing someone is just a way of showing them that you care.
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