“The first meeting of the Middle Aged Men’s’ Dating Club can now come to order.”
Ok, so that wasn’t exactly what was said in the office yesterday afternoon but it should have been.
Yesterday, my boss, his two friends and a client were having a detailed (creepy) conversation about middle aged dating. Sam*, the guy in my office, was listening from his desk and not taking part in the conversation as his wife would probably kill him.
Let’s meet the characters:
Boss: In his 50s, married with a kid but thinks he is a real life Casanova.
Friend 1: In his late thirties, attractive, never married, no children and seems to have an interesting dating life.
Friend 2: In his middle to late 40s, not chewed on but no Brad Pitt, divorced, two kids and apparently is having some trouble in his love life.
Client: In his middle to late 40’s, also not chewed and definitely not Brad Pitt, divorced, two kids and recently engaged.
So these gentlemen are sitting around my boss’s desk talking about the perils of dating and I am sitting at my desk (behind all this) trying not to listen. Unfortunately, my ears work very well and they are being loud.
The topic of the meeting apparently was why women/girls in their mid to late twenties do not want to date guys their ages.
So I am doing a pretty good job at ignoring the group when I heard this:
Friend 1: “I don’t have any problem meeting chicks. I mean I do most of it at the bars in Chicago, but I’m not really looking for anything long term.”
Friend 2: “It used to bother me, but then I realized that the reason they won’t go for it is because they’re afraid.” Snickering from the “men.” “No really! When they look at guys like us they see a nice stable guy who has potential for a real commitment.”
Client: “Good point.”
At the same time our client was giving his male support I apparently made a face along with a “yeah right” type sound.
Boss: “Dear, and I mean dear in a strictly professional manner, you’re of that age what’s you impute.”
Me: “Oh, no. I’m going to bow out of this little sharing circle.”
Client: “No really, we want your opinion. It will be first hand knowledge, straight from the source.”
Me: “No you really don’t want me to answer that question.”
This goes on for a little bit longer before I cave and give in.
“Ok, now I know you’re all really great guys…BUT….the reason that someone MY age probably won’t date someone like you has nothing to do with commitment. It has to do with the fact that you are TWENTY years older then I am AND you have kids, and not just little kids. Your kids are closer to my age then you are.”
Friend 2: “REALLY?!”
Me: “Yeah, plus the minute a guy your ages comes up to us at a bar we’re already laughing and making ‘creepy old guy’ and ‘he’s my dad’s age’ type comments.”
Client 1, laughing: “Harsh! Oh well, sorry guys.”
Me: “While we’re being honest. You’re not much better. You’re almost forty, single and hitting on women 15 years younger. Plus most of the time we date older guys b/c they’re more mature, but older is like 5 years older. Anything around 15-20 plus years older we’re dating because they have money and we’re hoping they die and leave everything to us. Anna Nicole style.”
Everyone laughed at the last comment. Sadly, I was only half joking.
The conversation shifted away from me (since I don’t think they liked what I was saying).
Sadly, soon the topic went to sex, and I was getting kind of sick.
Have you ever been around middle aged men talking about sex?? Especially sex with young women?? Their current conquest and desires??
Well, lucky you because I had to sit through it and so I decided to take action.
Me: "Do you realize this is sexual harassment?"
Friend #2 "How is this sexual harassment?"
Me: "Well, technically its b/c your making me feel threatened / uncomfortable but honestly......it's b/c I'm afraid that after hearing about your sex life I will never again be able to have one of my own without getting ill."
Yes…..I know….I’m an asshole.
Shortly thereafter the meeting was adjourned and the men dispersed with the plan to creep out young women all over Chicago, and I got back to researching what mind altering drugs would be able to erase this conversation from my memory.
Ok, so that wasn’t exactly what was said in the office yesterday afternoon but it should have been.
Yesterday, my boss, his two friends and a client were having a detailed (creepy) conversation about middle aged dating. Sam*, the guy in my office, was listening from his desk and not taking part in the conversation as his wife would probably kill him.
Let’s meet the characters:
Boss: In his 50s, married with a kid but thinks he is a real life Casanova.
Friend 1: In his late thirties, attractive, never married, no children and seems to have an interesting dating life.
Friend 2: In his middle to late 40s, not chewed on but no Brad Pitt, divorced, two kids and apparently is having some trouble in his love life.
Client: In his middle to late 40’s, also not chewed and definitely not Brad Pitt, divorced, two kids and recently engaged.
So these gentlemen are sitting around my boss’s desk talking about the perils of dating and I am sitting at my desk (behind all this) trying not to listen. Unfortunately, my ears work very well and they are being loud.
The topic of the meeting apparently was why women/girls in their mid to late twenties do not want to date guys their ages.
So I am doing a pretty good job at ignoring the group when I heard this:
Friend 1: “I don’t have any problem meeting chicks. I mean I do most of it at the bars in Chicago, but I’m not really looking for anything long term.”
Friend 2: “It used to bother me, but then I realized that the reason they won’t go for it is because they’re afraid.” Snickering from the “men.” “No really! When they look at guys like us they see a nice stable guy who has potential for a real commitment.”
Client: “Good point.”
At the same time our client was giving his male support I apparently made a face along with a “yeah right” type sound.
Boss: “Dear, and I mean dear in a strictly professional manner, you’re of that age what’s you impute.”
Me: “Oh, no. I’m going to bow out of this little sharing circle.”
Client: “No really, we want your opinion. It will be first hand knowledge, straight from the source.”
Me: “No you really don’t want me to answer that question.”
This goes on for a little bit longer before I cave and give in.
“Ok, now I know you’re all really great guys…BUT….the reason that someone MY age probably won’t date someone like you has nothing to do with commitment. It has to do with the fact that you are TWENTY years older then I am AND you have kids, and not just little kids. Your kids are closer to my age then you are.”
Friend 2: “REALLY?!”
Me: “Yeah, plus the minute a guy your ages comes up to us at a bar we’re already laughing and making ‘creepy old guy’ and ‘he’s my dad’s age’ type comments.”
Client 1, laughing: “Harsh! Oh well, sorry guys.”
Me: “While we’re being honest. You’re not much better. You’re almost forty, single and hitting on women 15 years younger. Plus most of the time we date older guys b/c they’re more mature, but older is like 5 years older. Anything around 15-20 plus years older we’re dating because they have money and we’re hoping they die and leave everything to us. Anna Nicole style.”
Everyone laughed at the last comment. Sadly, I was only half joking.
The conversation shifted away from me (since I don’t think they liked what I was saying).
Sadly, soon the topic went to sex, and I was getting kind of sick.
Have you ever been around middle aged men talking about sex?? Especially sex with young women?? Their current conquest and desires??
Well, lucky you because I had to sit through it and so I decided to take action.
Me: "Do you realize this is sexual harassment?"
Friend #2 "How is this sexual harassment?"
Me: "Well, technically its b/c your making me feel threatened / uncomfortable but honestly......it's b/c I'm afraid that after hearing about your sex life I will never again be able to have one of my own without getting ill."
Yes…..I know….I’m an asshole.
Shortly thereafter the meeting was adjourned and the men dispersed with the plan to creep out young women all over Chicago, and I got back to researching what mind altering drugs would be able to erase this conversation from my memory.
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