Ahhh Craig's list. You never cease to amazing me. Whether it is a cat tree for sale in Crystal Lake or Greenpeace looking for underpaid summer interns....you are always there.
Of course those are not our favorite postings. No, our favorites come from the "personal" ads. Or as I like to call them, the "Restraining order is in your future" ads. So here it goes:
Busy Executive a/k/a I live with my parents and play World of Warcraft
I am a busy executive looking for a companion to accompany me for events, shows and fine dining. This is not a solicitation for sex or nudity. I will compensate you for each event, 400 weekly income plus clothes. Please send a photo and a little information about yourself. The ideal person would be Asian or Caucasian intelligent and interesting. You will always be safe and respected. Anything that you send to me will be remain in the strictest of confidence. This could be a great summer job for a college student. Intellectuals are encouraged to apply.
First off, we know you are NOT an executive.....those men get their arm candy the old fashion way: by calling high priced "escort" services for Russian women. Chances are this guy is over 40 and has never had a girlfriend. His parents think he may be gay or "slow" and a embarrassed that he's never moved out of the basement. Cousin Martha's wedding is coming up this summer followed by the family reunion and this winner and Sparky here can't go alone and sit at the kids' table anymore. College students are ideally because this will count as community service and you can get credit for your humanities class.
Only Girls with Daddy Issues Need Apply
Seeking that SWF, SAF 20 something girl that could use a Daddy who could make things better. If you could use a very appreciative older man to meet whenver you need, well then have your Daddy. So, why don't you meet Daddy tonight
Gross. It is NOT ok to refer to yourself as Daddy, unless you live in Arkansas. This is just weird and illegal in most states. And please tell me, what are you going to make better? My low self esteem? My confusion of love with random sex? My desire to replace a relationship I never had with my sperm donor with drunk sex with a man who smells like salami and gets AARP benefits???
Snuggle Pants....
There's nothing better than just cuddling with a member of the opposite sex! If you feel the same way maybe we should talk.
Hmmm, I can think of a few things. How about finding someone you have a connection with? A guy who asks you out to a great date a pays? Having gone on a few dates before cuddling or anything more goes on? Not responding to an add online in the middle of a day from a sweaty fat guy with a hairlip.
And I want A Unicorn
I want to fall in Love with a SLUT! Yes, that's right. I want you to be an intelligent, educated, normal professional woman who happens to love love LOVE to f***. You're into other women, groups, swapping, and watching your bf have sex with another girl. You're also into handholding, being silly, waking up together and having coffee while cuddling, restaurants and weekend getaways. Together, we have this crazy love our friends are super jealous about, and behind the scenes we have intensely kinky and dirty sex lives. Have you been looking for this too?
Is this "Daddy" from earlier? Or is everyone looking for someone with daddy issues? You want all this? Fine, let me tell you what I expect to find on an website known for hooking you up prostitutes that will steal your wallet.
Only Girls with Daddy Issues Need Apply
Seeking that SWF, SAF 20 something girl that could use a Daddy who could make things better. If you could use a very appreciative older man to meet whenver you need, well then have your Daddy. So, why don't you meet Daddy tonight
Gross. It is NOT ok to refer to yourself as Daddy, unless you live in Arkansas. This is just weird and illegal in most states. And please tell me, what are you going to make better? My low self esteem? My confusion of love with random sex? My desire to replace a relationship I never had with my sperm donor with drunk sex with a man who smells like salami and gets AARP benefits???
Snuggle Pants....
There's nothing better than just cuddling with a member of the opposite sex! If you feel the same way maybe we should talk.
Hmmm, I can think of a few things. How about finding someone you have a connection with? A guy who asks you out to a great date a pays? Having gone on a few dates before cuddling or anything more goes on? Not responding to an add online in the middle of a day from a sweaty fat guy with a hairlip.
And I want A Unicorn
I want to fall in Love with a SLUT! Yes, that's right. I want you to be an intelligent, educated, normal professional woman who happens to love love LOVE to f***. You're into other women, groups, swapping, and watching your bf have sex with another girl. You're also into handholding, being silly, waking up together and having coffee while cuddling, restaurants and weekend getaways. Together, we have this crazy love our friends are super jealous about, and behind the scenes we have intensely kinky and dirty sex lives. Have you been looking for this too?
Is this "Daddy" from earlier? Or is everyone looking for someone with daddy issues? You want all this? Fine, let me tell you what I expect to find on an website known for hooking you up prostitutes that will steal your wallet.
I want to fall in love with someone that doesn't exist. I want you to be 6'4'' or taller and better looking than George Clooney. You have a 10 figure salary but don't work more than 40 hours a week and volunteers/donate money to good causes. You love me so much you bought NBC and forced them to NEVER cancel Law & Order. You have the hockey skills of Wayne Gretzky, the romance of Nora Roberts and the stamina of an 18yr old on Viagra. You're a giver and never want to receive because you know that bores me and I'm a selfish lover. Together we are a power couple that even Oprah and Gail are jealous of.
Really people?? I don't know what scares me more, the "men" who write these things and expect a response.....or the women that actually respond. hmmm.
